LSR Notes: 12/15/20

  1. My hooker armies were defeated. My wires are crossed and nightmare urges direct my soul to an end predestined by the salamander spirit … and kettle chips languish near the sink … and the demons whisper a song of broken glass and chipped beef conflagration. And the mind congeals.
  2. Were you of the sloggern-thog? Did you wrest from this land a piece of magic ass? Are you lonely? Do you know the darkness of H’rong and the ancient oils of Queen Y’lib? And if you did know all these things, would you continue on your journey or learn to hunt the things you fear? I kept them waiting; apart from their dark looks and whiskey breath, there was that aura of eternity that surrounded them. Like they were here when the rocks formed, and the Earth belched up waters from the ancient hole. And you? – you mocked the gods, and now you pay the price.
  3. BUT PLEASE: tell me about your Dorito pizza pie recipe! Tell me how you enjoy being in solitary confinement because you have an electric hooker and a sclerotic mind! Are you going to spend all day playing games, or are you ready for flavor country? Are you ready for the raccoons?
  4. The raccoon armies form up to the east – to the west is the slut army of Jenna, and her lesbian shock troops covered in jelly-oil and honey wine … And with our group we have the robot-freaks of Ballard and the Torbic-butt-masters of Mercer Island. SO RAISE YOUR SWORD FOR JOOB!
  5. I was the scrimbliak … that’s what she said. I was the one to be feared, but why? – because I carry a gun and a knife and a bottle of whiskey? … this is HOW I am able to rebuild my psyche after years of blue-meth and brain parasites. And now I am to be judged by hookers?
  6. A commercial from 2024 … Singers: “Activated cockroach juice, activated cockroach juice, activated cockroach juice, it’s better than goose, it’s always on sale, for $56.77 a gallon.” Narrator: “Come to Schlimbo’s, and buy some activated cockroach juice for your kids, wives.” For Christmas 2024, we will all have activated-cockroach-juice for dinner …
  7. Validate you? Oh, so you parked your existential ass here, and expect me to “validate” your parking card? “Shit Dan, why can’t you validate me?” Fuck you man, I only have one parking space in the collective unconscious, and its reserved for my UNVALIDATED delusion and misery.
  8. I wonder what the Woodland Park Zoo will look like in 2023? I’m thinking it will look like a Brazilian Steak House … where some dude wheels around a cart of cooked meats … panther … panda … gorilla … pygmy rhino … hippo … all the meats one can eat … the future.
  9. I was expected, after the Year of Blood-Soup. I was denied, following the AGE of GLIMB. Under the rulership of KING V’OOG, we drove the rage-muscle from our hangouts in Soho, and turned Seattle into a monkey-cave for slingus-dingbats and virgin blockheads … and without remorse.
  10. If there were competent sorters, would they leave the ground in this scandalous state? If there were wolf-brides, would we walk to the Chevron to buy our Gork and our Tug Fry Oil? And if you could, would you shrink down to be small enough to walk on your own skin?- how would you?
  11. The Sergeant at Arms for the first State of Union … “Mr. Speaker, all genders … please stand for DR. JILL BIDEN’S husband …” If you could see the inside of DOCTOR JILL BIDEN’S husband’s skull? You would see a big empty space, with a tiny light flashing on an old rusty sign that says: SPACE AVAILABLE … Nuremberg War Crimes Tribunal, circa 1948 … Prosecutor: “Mr. Mengele, did you …” DOCTOR MENGELE: “THAT’S DOCTOR MENGELA … doctor … I didn’t attend torture college for 12 years to be called MISTER …” Prosecutor: “Based …” (true stories from the history of DOCTORS)
  12. if you write 1912 on your check? You get to do that whole “Butterfly Effect” thingy, and go back before the FEDERAL RESERVE was created … and the income tax … and kill the fuckers who created it … So please do this ASAP and tell us when you get back … but will we know?
  13. funny … most of the folks I’ve met who call for “more wars”? – never wore the uniform, never served, never in combat … just chicken hawks hoping to masturbate while watching FOX News or CNN live drone footage … People who know better? – they know that war should be avoided
  14. BTW: #Microsoft is 100% #ChiCom OWNED … in that absolute sense of how a bully OWNS someone … Visit that campus in REDMOND secretly, see for yourself – ride the 545 (figure it out) and ask some questions … you’ll have a blue or orange badge freak sitting right there. I think if the #CCP invaded the USA, one of their “jumping off points” would be the #Microsoft Campus in Redmond, WA. I don’t really worry too much about this, why? – because the CCP is a bigger basket case than our our mungis-freak brain dead masters.
  15. Wouldn’t it be funny if we found out the “Bill of Rights” was really a declaration of the Rights of Bill Gates? (that would be hilarious)
  16. Men who Stare at Goats: 1), 2), 3)
  17. Woman: “What are you doing?” Male TSA: “Sniffing your crotch …” Woman: “WHY THE HELL?” Male TSA: “Checking for COVID …” (messy stories of COVID)
  18. Did “The Velveteen Rabbit” make you cry?
  19. There are a lot of children’s stories about wishing a stuffed animal or a non-human creature to be “alive and talk to me”. It seems like an expression of loneliness. But it is really creepy how many “I wish my doll would come alive” stories there are.