I spent the 70’s …
Hanging with the strange-o’s …
Hanging with the dlimbic-freaks and free-basers down by the old warehouse in Seattle …
I smoked PCP and drank caterpillar whiskey and chased after street bunnies so that I could make my food for the day ..
(it killed me)
What the FUCK …
Aliens fucking with my hunting …
“… invisible flying predators …”
Did you know there are trans-dimensional beings, creatures, hovering over your house at night?
Did you know they hang out, looking for flesh? Looking for a cat or a dog or SOMEONE’S KID to eat?
When I reached the end of this skungis-whore kingdom?
When I breached the walls, and released the vile gases of LOOMERALL?
I stood before 3 demons, feeding off the fast flesh of some farmer’s hog …
I stood before the DEVIL …
He said: “Yo … want some BBQ?”
I said: “No.”
I am Uri Geller …
I will touch your hands, and then I will sniff mine …
I will test your touch for the scent of cocaine.
I cannot do magic without cocaine.
The demons demand I sit in my hotel room at night, staring at the walls, listening to Pink Floyd, and doing cocaine.
Uri Geller: wrist watch repairman …
I am Uri Geller …
I’ve done so much coke, that I think I can fix broken wrist watches by yelling at them …
My name is Uri Geller …
I do cocaine …
I am a magician and a coke head and I live in the desert with three wolves and 6 women driven mad by herpes …
I go to strange towns and fix watches with orgone energy, my laser beam eyes look for young women to exploit … for coke.
Uri Geller …
Why did you lie about the murders?
Uri Geller …
Where are you hiding the witches?
Uri Geller …
Why did you steal my spoons and bend them and break them and tear out my heart and rip it in two?
Uri Geller …
Is your butt hole filled with cocaine?
Uri Geller …
Where did you bury that body?
You know the assistant? Vegas? 1984?
Where did you bury that hooker and her pimp after you murdered them and stole their cocaine?
Did you have to smear the blood on your face?
Did you have to run over that cat on your way home?
“Dan, why do the aliens probe us?”
“Because of cocaine …”
“But that makes no sense …”
“Do you poop and shit and shart when you do coke?”
“Yeah … laxatives … I don’t get the good stuff …”
“Aliens didn’t know, they just assumed we exuded coke through our butt holes.”
The UFO people love the Caribbean …
They live near Puerto Rico in a giant underground base …
They have slave armies and female whore-queens and giant jelly pits for busty wrestling …
And the cocaine …
They aliens now control ALL the cocaine.
(and this is pointless)
“… the Canadian UFO report published recently that 97% of all cocaine theft is the result of alien abductions …”
“… oceans cover most of the Earth … therefore, there’s a good chance my cocaine is there …”
The sirens are whining …
Gungis-hordes are making their way to Broadway … there they will feed on blimbus-stew and gogumak and glycerol-45 …
They will crack open …
They will break …
Their brain case is filled with mind-jello and the cops want to ask a few questions.
“… the French minister of Defense is certain that … one day … my cocaine will be found.”
“… the aliens learned, long ago, that you could use advanced ESP and cosmic consciousness to detect WHERE the cocaine is … and that’s why they come to Earth.”
The aliens come from Ummo …
Their minds are cosmic paste …
They want our stool samples, they want to check for crotch parasites … they want to take high tech shit and shove it into your butt zone …
They are bored …
They have lived for millions of years, no cocaine.
“… the aliens had penis helmets … penises shooting in all directions … and they kidnapped us and gave us physical examinations …”
“… UFOs LOVE Mississippi …”
John 11:1-44 “Lazarus”
“… dudes wearing aviator style sun glasses are 76% more likely to see a UFO while doing shrooms and swimming naked …”
“… according to Dr. Leo Sprinkle of the UFO Crap-tapolis Report, a significant portion of UFO abductees experience post abductee bleeding and anal zone rashes …”
87% of all alien abductions involving anal penetration involve drinking …
“… in March of 1975, a national newspaper reported that aliens were picking up women, along the strip … and taking them to Studio 54 … to dance the night away …”
“… one alien told me my cocaine was in Utah …”
“… They say the angel Maroni appeared to Joseph Smith …. weeks after he ‘took care of that thing’ … and told HIM where my cocaine was … after taking him aboard his ship and giving him physical examinations …”
“… the aliens seem mostly interested in our butt holes …” – An abductee
“… a very tall man showed me a map … a map of all the places where aliens abducted him and then performed physical examinations … he said he knew where my cocaine was … he lied …”
“… the aliens would take large metal rods … hot pokers … barbed wire … Nalley’s chili cans … and insert them into my anal zone … and it hurt … it hurt really bad when the UFO guys did that …”
“… did you notice any particular pattern or behavior when they inserted objects into your butt hole?”
“I don’t know where your cocaine is man …”
“… I found this guy who claims he knows WHERE the UFOs hid my cocaine … he did not know …”
Humans who have been to “space”: 556
All humans that have ever lived: 108 billion …
(that fraction might as well still be zero)
“… in 1947, a pilot near Mt. Rainier, saw several flying saucers moving at incredible speeds … he was also doing a lot of cocaine …”
“… Soviet scientists are staking a claim to the UFO’s … and all the cocaine they are carrying.”
“… in 1974, an alien arrived at my ashram in Idaho, and showed me this diagram, identifying WHERE my cocaine is …”
“… Canadians get wasted … and this is what they see …”
“… by the time this documentary is over, you will probably discover WHERE the aliens hid my cocaine.”
“… public opinion pollster, George Gallup, has determined that 1/3 people probably know where the aliens hid my cocaine.”
“… in 1976, near Kentucky, 3 women were taken on board a UFO … bought dinner … taken to a really nice restaurant and a movie … and they didn’t put out … and the aliens were very disappointed.”
“… in Wyoming, in 1975, a really cool trucker dude … some dude who thought he was ‘all that’ … was taken aboard an alien space craft and given brutal anal examinations for 87 days …”
“For years, I have been a newsman in the Pacific Northwest … and in that time I’ve done a lot of cocaine … and I’ve killed and buried hookers.” – 1976
“… in all that time I’ve discovered one fact, one thing that NOBODY will talk about or tell me about … and it sucks … WHERE ARE YOU KEEPING THE COCAINE?”
“I waited HERE … in the swamp … for days … and still no one can explain to me WHY I wasn’t abducted and given a physical examination …”
“… Near Pascagoula Mississippi … two ship yard workers were taken aboard the UFO and given cocaine …”
- Love juices
- Love sciences
- Love analytics ….
I CAN HELP YOU FIND LOVE!
All for a low LOW price of $764/hr …
CLEARLY YOU DON’T FUCKING LISTEN TO MY PODCAST FOR ME, BECAUSE YOU SAY …
“I’d love to donate, but all I have is crypto.”
“You can buy food, and ship it …”
“Oh … you need food?”
(and this is HOW these stupid conversations go)
(please: I give enough rope)
Only an ASSHOLE asks you about donating money, after being on your podcast several times, and not NOTICING MULTIPLE FUCKING DONATION LINKS …
Add to this: they love to preach “everything is normal and fine” bullshit …
(But they can’t find the donation links)
Whether my #podcast sucks or not? – it takes resources.
I don’t push the “you must donate” bullshit? – because I know most people who listen are AS BROKE ASS BROKE as I am.
I think maybe I’ve lost track of my boundaries here …
(or people don’t care about them)
My interviewing technique is simple …
I let people talk.
Let people talk long enough, you learn something.
Meditate on their words? – you learn even more.
Don’t be a victim.
don’t be a fUCKING victimizer …
Is this fucking complicated?
Please: rebuke the ministers who have been here a while … by all means … seek them out …
If someone says “you remind me of my drunk old uncle” … is that a compliment?
If you come at me with:
“Dan, I thought you were a skinny beady eyed thief, but instead you’re my old drunk uncle.”
(you have to know I’ll remember)
(especially if I’ve been generous with my time, energy)
“I thought you were a beady eyed dude trying to sell me a stereo.”
“Now what do you think?”
“You’re like my old drunk irish uncle.”
(you think that’s an improvement?)
The USA is a neo-Stalinist hell hole now …
The only thing left to happen is for people to embrace this prison state OR fight a bloody fight …
No more “peaceful solutions” – the “go along get alongs” have GUARANTEED that this shit show goes south.
We have been left with violence as our only recourse.
(let’s see what happens next)
(believe me: it will be bad, and your over-complex and fragile society will demonstrate HOW FUCKING BAD …)
(hope you don’t live near a nuclear power plant)
As I drift further away from people, I drift closer to darkness.
I pray to Jesus – “watch over us” …
I fear Jesus’ answer: “watch over your own damn self …”
But this mess?
(can’t blame this on God)
(can’t blame this on anything other than global, universal, cowardice)
“Be courageous early, so you don’t have to dig graves later.” – Dr. Freckles
“Dan, I’m just taking the path of least resistance … I don’t want violence …”
“You know because of obedience freaks LIKE YOU this WILL NOT UN-FUCK ITSELF NOW WITHOUT MASSIVE VIOLENCE …”
“That’s racist …”
A lot of people went along with this nonsense BECAUSE they did not want “violence” …
Hate to break it to you? – you have helped to GUARANTEE the coming bloodshed.
Be a hero earlier … so you don’t have to be a grave digger later.