LSR Notes: 9/30/20

10:30 PM

This might be one of my favorite SHOCK-U-MENTARIES …


7:00 PM


5:53 PM

It feels like we’re starting “Season 1 of Jericho” soon …


5:29 PM

Next flying monkey contenders:

  1. 50%: WW3/limited-nuke-war with China or Russia or Both … perhaps starting with Israel/Iran exchange. Could be triggered by India/China/Pakistan three way.
  2. 20%: Covid-19 Part Deux: and maybe they use a real virus this time, and it’s actually lethal.
  3. 10%: Clathrate Gun
  4. 20%: Civil War

Or, could it be a combo of the above?

(could be)


5:15 PM

I will summarize last night’s debate:



5:13 PM

“What is the crime?”

In the year 3456 B.C., the Gunken-People of Trog-7, 3rd underground cave realm, decreed …

According to the fucking emperor, who was smoking crack …

That “the crime” was the person that stole his Hrumptian-hover-ship … and stole his bitches … hoes.


4:52 PM

The sky was not blue today … or partly cloudy.

The sky was “white with a hint of blue” …

(that’s the sky in #Seattle today)


4:44 PM

What if the next “flying monkey” is the #ClathrateGun?

I’m not saying it will be “the end”, but it could usher in the Satanic levels of tyranny we can’t imagine today.

Are they breaking the back of the climate system with geoengineering?

Matthew 24:22


4:34 PM

Here are my current theories on bigfoot:

  1. it’s just the collective manifestation of the male fear that some hairy beast will “steal my woman”.
  2. it was a way for gay men, in 70’s and 80’s, to hook up – “hey, we’re gonna hunt for bigfoot”.
  3. it’s Plum Island gene garbage.


3:27 PM

Me, yesterday, putting up posters on Roosevelt … in Seattle.


3:23 PM

Bigfoot is an alien.

He watches you while you sleep, while you make love to your woman …

He monitors your “technique” as you pleasure her, massage her hazookas …

He knows you are beyond your match … your woman needs a hairy touch … he needs her, and he will kill you.


9:36 AM


9:20 AM

How is #eschatology not #cosmology?


8:40 AM

I pay @SoundCloud money, each year.

They just culled about 30 followers from my account.

I get no email.

And since I have EMAIL EXCHANGE EVIDENCE with their tech support that a DONOR has been culled? – gee ….

I wonder why I’m so special.



In a “rule of law” world?

Given that I pay “Sound Cloud”?

I would form a class action, since it’s unlikely I’m the only one being fucked. And I would sue those fuckers.

But this is NOT a rule of law world.


(we crossed that Rubicon months ago)


8:31 AM


When I was a kid? – I loved the MAC-10 …

Now I think the MAC-10 sucks …

I want a belt-fed suppressed 9mm wrist mounted gatling gun … with 1000 round ergonomic back pack …

(mixed AP and exploding ammo)

(for Christmas)


7:20 AM

“When someone is choking me, I’m less likely to listen to what they say.” – Dr. Freckles

The “Bone Pool” of Bremerton (WA) …

The “bone pool” is a local legend, first identified by a local raconteur … Jed Clankson (aka Jed MAGA) back in 2004.

He says he got drunk one night, and was led by the great Coyote Spirit to an island near Bremerton …

He says he stripped down and covered himself in whale mucous …

He howled at the bright blood moon, and found the ancient pool of bones, of his ancestors, where it was revealed to him that his real name is “Crooked Owl”, and that Jed was the 32nd Coyote Shaman of the Plumptick Fish Tribe of Bremerton.

No reputable anthropologist from the University of Washington can confirm this … or the existence of the tribe.

Kitsap County’s “Mist Problem”

Some mysterious mist is stealing cats … and eating them.

No one knows why …

A few months ago the U.S. Navy was doing something … something dark and ugly … near San Juan Island …

Ever since then? – there’s this mist that rolls into Kitsap County … and it steals cats … and leaves their carcasses near the Taco Time on 4th Street.

Grug’ing …

“Grug’ing” became popular, among progressives, after the election loss to Trump in 2016. A lot of Democrats went a little crazy … they began shoving produce up their butts, as a strategy for alleviating their despair.

After several months of shoving organic produce, washed and covered in virgin olive oil, up her butt? – Darya Moon of the N. California collective figured out that “washed and peeled potatoes” were best for grug’ing …

This led Darya to open the first holistic grug’ing clinic in Holliston Lake, CA.

Grug’ing consists of the following:

  1. peel and wash uncooked potatoes
  2. dip 3 medium sized potatoes or one large Idaho spud (peeled and washed) into virgin olive oil
  3. shove the potatoes up your butt, until you feel better
  4. then perform multiple yoga moves, with the potato in there … up your butt
  5. and you will feel better about Trump, if you do this for 45 minutes (fully clothed)

Road Line Commissioner

The Road Line Commissioner or County RLC is responsible for driving the county roads, periodically, randomizing routes and checking to see if the painted lines on the roads are clearly visible with low beams on at night … he or she cannot be drunk while doing this.

Also …

The Kitsap County RLC is also responsible for Trash Panda Monitoring

Can’t call them raccoons any longer … got to call them Trash Pandas …

He/she/it/Zed will count the trash pandas in Kitsap county, note their location with a GPS device … record these sightings … using paper …

They take that stack of paper? Recording Trash Panda sightings?

They stick that paper in a burn barrel …

And then they burn it.

Debate 2020: Kitsap County Road Line Commissioner

When: September 30th, 2020, 7-9 PM

Where: Bogimbly’s Old Timer Pub off of Bo-plimptock Street, in Bremerton. Candidates will be phoning into the pub because of the “mist problem” that Kitsap County has … no one likes to talk about it … they will be watching their crops … children … livestock and cats.

Why: Because Kitsap County needs to elect a new Road Line Commissioner. This role is critical to interurban safety and general maintenance and the Canadian geese. This guy (or gal) … this “person” needs to check and make sure the white, red, yellow, and other colored lines are visible, on the road, at night, with low beams on … and they can’t be drunk while doing this.

Sponsored By: The League of Women Drunks, Old Kyle’s Yanckus Ale, The Lodge House Restaurant serving home style coyote …

Rules and Questions:


Candidate and debate opponent Number 1:

Democrat – Fonseca Collins of Shad Harbor, WA.

Beautiful Shad Harbor … a place best known for being small enough to be easily missed while driving, and easily forgotten once you drive 10 feet outside of town.

Can An Angry Woman Get Ahead? – Gender & Society

Fonseca runs a grug-clinic for local progressives.

She is a former Evergreen State College professor of Lesbian Trib History and Blitch-theater.

She wants to re-invent the RLC role and help to protect Canadian geese … she fears for them … an ancient witch named T’rolya, 67,000 years old … talks to her … whispers shit in her ears about geese … and killing people. But she’s ok …


Also … don’t ask her about the “blue tailed kettle sparrow hawk” …. she campaigned to save it from extinction … she campaigned tirelessly for 15 years … starting when she was in college … there is no evidence it ever existed.

Candidate and debate opponent Number 2:

GOP – Jed MAGA (he had his last name changed to MAGA) of Shunk, WA … home of the Fighting Gooey-ducks …

Almost Politically Correct Redneck | Know Your Meme

Jed likes bacon and fireworks and pit bulls and properly registered and licensed NRA certified firearms … he is sometimes contacted by bigfoot … but he thinks it could be Michelle Obama … this happens in his sleep, after drinking heavily … like a case of Elysian “Space Dust” …

He is proud to declare “I don’t even know what school is” … this statement reflects the amount of schooling he’s had.

Jed is an ex-UFC fighter, well known in Bangkok, and he invented a new fighting style called “frook” … a mixture of Brazilian grappling, kung fu, and hill billy style wrestling.

He makes a living carving fake Coastal Salish artifacts, that he sells to the rubes. He says that’s ok … he claims he is 1/200th Salish … ask him about the “bone pool”.

He is haunted by many ghosts …

The Moderator:

Commodore Drex Moore, the Last Known Commodore of the Seaman Freaks of the old Tacoma waterfront … he killed some guys there once … he can never return …

The Seaman Freaks are a crew of jaunty men … and women of poor stature.

Drex plays the piano at Bogimbly’s Old Timer Pub, badly. He was told, last minute, that he’d have to moderate this dread thing … he knows the sea, and women, and gold, and adventure.

Drex has been accused of murder 10 times, zero convictions thus far …

He can tell you of busty adventures with scantily clad women, navigating the waves and wind of the Juan de Fuca Strait …

He was Master Chief on the Princess Marguerite for many years … until the accident in 1997, when all those goddamn Canadians died.

His eyes are bloodshot and yellow …

His heart is shriveled and morose.

He is happy to moderate this debate.

LSR Notes: 9/29/20

9:30 PM

“67% of candy contains razor blades … and that’s why you should give it to me.” – Dr. Freckles

“Hi, I’m Mr. News … and this is a pumpkin …”


3:19 PM


3:10 PM


2:25 PM

I dream of creating a “Rhino Express” restaurant chain …

We breed pygmy rhino …

Let a family pick out their rhino …

Stick rhino on spit, cook for 45 minutes.

(it just falls off the bone)


2:23 PM

A lot of activity in the building today … people going up and down stairs … makes me wonder if they’re clearing people out … or preparing to … as part of some op.

Life is cheap in #seattle now …

(the body dumps are filling up)

(Taco Time has a special on “meat tacos”)


1:56 PM

Scraggly Pete is outside your window …

Old Pete looks in with eyes beaming …

He sees you naked on the bed, caressing your yomulis …

His lust burns hot …

His loins are afire ..

Do you think that door stops Scraggly Pete?

Are you crazy or high on cocaine?

(watch out)


11:37 AM

an army of man eating gorillas?

wearing leather vests that have knives sticking out?

covered in composite armor and more knives?

and a trigger, attached to their heart, so if you kill it? – they explode swordfish style …

just 3 divisions … 45,000 gorillas, logistics too.


11:27 AM

“I always listen to what boobs say …”

(and then she slapped me)


11:24 AM

This is chisly-gus …

He used to play with Muddy Waters down by Baton Rouge, before the klingett-gang killed that guy … and the crossroads demon stole his soul in a card game …

But he saw the eye of death staring at him …

chunks of stringy flesh draping down ..


10:34 AM

This is depressing …


9:48 AM

The debates tonight? Predictions?

… at minute 34 …

Biden: “Arrr … rrrrr …. rrrr …”

Trump: “This is gonna be YUUUGE!”

Moderator: “What the hell Mr. Vice President …”

In a matter of seconds, because of an experimental bull semen treatment, Biden transforms …

… at minute 35?

Trump pulls out a 12 gauge revolver, titanium, arm-wrist support with recoil piston and cylinder progression blow back … 5 rounds go into Biden’s mungous face … Trump puts on a hockey mask.

Trump: “I am the Lord Humoungous … you thought you could win?”


9:40 AM

pixelation in the supply chain precedes shortages

shortages precede famine

famine precedes chaos

chaos precedes hell on Earth

then the wookie folk stream out of British Columbia, sasquatch armies armed with steel pipe and bags of rocks … and .50 cal machine guns they carry.


9:37 AM

A friend of mine reminded me of something the other day:

Old Testament times were VERY DIFFERENT …

If it smelled bad? – kill it, it’s a demon.

If it looks weird? – kill it, it’s a demon.

Perhaps Jesus also brought sanity, along with grace and forgiveness.

(weird thought)


9:22 AM

If I had a million dollars?

I would raise 10 mountain gorillas – 5 male, 5 female …

I would train them to each flesh, switch to a meat diet …

Teach them to make tools and start fires …

And release them into the Cascade Mountains …


there’s some kind of insurance scam in this … like “bigfoot camping insurance” …

… and we bundle these into tranches, giving them grades … from least likely to most likely to be eaten by bigfoot …

we sell these as “Fatality Backed Securities” or FBS …

we make bank

2020 is rife with shit, fucked up shit …

schadenfreude souffle mixed with dead panda entrails and monkey turds and old semen, jar’d up by the homeless dude off of Broadway …

And the crop circles? – they might be markers

Maybe the Aliens heard this


9:13 AM

“I’m hoping one day we can find bigfoot … cuddle with him … make wookie love…”


9:06 AM


8:55 AM

Let’s talk about the “pros and cons” of space …

Prostitutes (pros)

Con-artists (cons)

I think “space” is a grifter paradise.

LSR Notes: 9/28/20

6:42 PM

Orange man needs to take vid of him writing a check back to himself, for $750, using the White House checking account.


5:41 PM

stare at the death, happening before you …

each dead thing that falls off your body is a flare, shot up, signaling the coyotes “this guy … he’s seeing you soon” ..

that gray hair? – it’s your clarion call … GET GOING.


Find your liger.


9:16 AM

“God is not a magic trick.” – Dr. Freckles

Magic tricks are “low stakes” … Jesus doesn’t do that.


9:00 AM

Got back from shopping, and …

  1. saw a couple, wearing masks, with their kid
  2. saw another bus, half fool, by mandate of Seattle/King Count

I also saw that PCC was low on ground beef … what does that mean?

  1. I saw a thirsty, hungry crow
  2. PCC low on ground beef

What does this mean?

Prayer for Forgiveness and Repentance …

Jesus Christ,

Your death signaled the end of one era, and the beginning of a new one.

On the cross you took the sins of all time, of all souls, and carried the pain and sorrow of this.

You lay in the tomb for 3 days, and in that time you must have seen every sin, including mine, including the sins of those I love and those I despise.

You did this to wash the world, but also to teach.

Lord in Heaven, you died on the cross so that we may have a lighthouse on those stormy and treacherous “nights of the soul”. You gave us a point in the distance, to set our course, freeing us from the pain and misery of hate and regret and vengeance.

Punishment is God’s, not ours.

Punishments do happen, there are consequences.

Lord in Heaven, I pray as I wander this world that I remember: the sins I carry were meant for you … so in repentance I must give up those burdens … in place of those burdens is the Holy Spirit.

Jesus, forgive me my sins. Forgive the sins of my enemies. Forgive the sins of my friends. And if we must suffer chastisement? – grant us the wisdom to see a way through, towards you, Jesus, and towards love.

In your name, Jesus Christ, we serve.


Punishment from God …

  1. Psalm 38
  2. Greetings and announcements. Next Sunday, at 11 AM, Bremerton, WA, Evergreen Rotary Park, near the Pacific Ave parking lot … more info here: DFGTC.ORG/JC … check in on people. Don’t let the “voting” get to you.
  3. Isaiah 47
  4. Prayer for Forgiveness, Repentance
  5. Matthew 11:20-24 , Proverbs 3:11-12, 1 John 4:13-21
  6. Punishment from God. Moses and the diving rod. Was it punishment? When the Lord gave to Adam/Even so much, and was this reward? The brutality of the wilderness, being exiled in Babylon … suffering under the Greeks and Romans? – was this punishment or instruction?
  7. Prayer for those in pain, moment of silence.
  8. Lord’s Prayer: Matthew 6:9-13
  9. Blessings and dismissal.
  10. Contact: